SEVEN

The solemn air was oppressive. It didn’t dissipate in the car. If the ride to the bank had been depressing, the ride home was catatonic. Zach felt disconnected, dazed. His rampant thoughts dominated his mind.

No one spoke. After twenty minutes, they reached the apartment complex. Once parked and the van turned off, Zach sat back in his seat.

His heart ached, his soul numb.

He pushed the pain away, forcing the memory to disappear. He couldn’t afford to feel. He wasn’t trying to be callous. He mourned the death. The woman deserved it; the little girl deserved it. They needed to be remembered.

But that was an indulgence he couldn’t partake in. If the others saw him crying over the death, when he was supposed to be their foundation, then they would crumble – they would break down and cry, too. Zach couldn’t do that to his friends. They didn’t realize it, but they were counting on him to be strong.

Thus, no tears fell. Zach would no longer allow any haunting thoughts about the ‘what if’ – it was done; it was over. He had failed, but he would move forward.

His only focus: how to comfort the others?

Zach pulled off his mask. He twisted in his seat, looking towards his friends. Hikaru sat in the middle with Jacob, who was resting his head on her shoulder. Brielle and Sevati hadn’t changed seats; they looked out the window, their gazes refusing eye contact.

The van’s interior returned to its original state. They passed clothing around, returning each article to their rightful owner. They removed their masks, slipped shirts over their suit, and took off their gloves. No one would notice they all wore the same black pants.

Zach opened the door of the van and stepped outside, the others following. There was a chill in the air. The sunlight had darkened, now late afternoon. The sky blended with white clouds, forming a shadowy dusk of blue. There were no stars twinkling in the heavens.

The silence was brutal. Zach longed to hear the usually talkative voices, laughter ringing through the stairwell as they stomped up the stairs, much to their neighbors’ annoyance. Now, the footsteps were light, the voices silent. Zach unlocked their front door with his key and stepped inside.

“Is anyone hungry?” asked Hikaru, turning around when she was in the middle of the room. Drake closed the door behind himself. She smiled lightly; her jaw stiffened as she tried to maintain her composure. Her smile faltered when no one responded. “I can make something, anything you want. You all must be hungry. Mac and cheese?”

No one answered.

“There’s got to be something you want to eat,” said Hikaru, breathless. Her voice trembled and rose in pitch. She stepped closer to the kitchen. “We should eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” whispered Drake.

Sevati shook her head as well. Her lips thinned; she took a deep breath. Brielle stared at the wall, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

Zach sighed. He had to eat something or his emotions would run haywire, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He wanted to support Hikaru, but he didn’t want to force the others to eat either. The thought of food made him gag.

Hikaru glanced between them, becoming desperate. “Are you sure?” she whispered. There were more shakes of the head. Her chest heaved upward; she inhaled. “All right, how about a movie?” she asked, trying to sound cheerful. She twisted her hands. “We could make popcorn.”

Jacob pulled away from the group, stopping in front of her. She looked down at him, her expression broken with sorrow. Large tears welled inside Jacob’s eyes. He threw his arms around her waist and began to sob. Hikaru embraced him; she dipped her face into his curly black hair.

It was a ripple effect: Sevati rubbed her face, sniffling softly; Brielle looked away, tears sliding down her cheeks; Drake put a hand over his eyes and tilted his face towards the ceiling.

Hikaru looked to Zach, filled with deep pleading and longing, as if seeking for some kind of answer.

But he was lost as the rest of them.

He had promised he would be strong for them, but the building lump in his throat was becoming too painful. He swallowed, his jaw clenching against his teeth; he forced the lump back down.

You are not allowed to cry.

Be their strength, their support.

Zach put an arm around Brielle’s shoulders, drawing her against his side. She didn’t resist. She leaned against him, before she hid her face in his shoulder. Her body shuddered.

“I know,” whispered Zach.

She let out a suppressed sob. He held her tighter.

“I know.“

Drake dragged his hand over his face, sniffling loudly. Sevati had lost the battle against her tears, turning to him and burying her face into his chest. Drake wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

A number of minutes passed. No one moved from their spots, each drawing comfort from the other. When there was a lull in emotions, they broke away, divided by their genders, and went into their rooms.

As Zach entered one of the two bedrooms with the other boys, he ignored the scattered clothes adorning the floor and open drawers. The bunk bed to the left of the door was also covered with numerous assortments of clothes, library books, pencils, and sketchbooks. The top bunk, slightly less messy, had a handful of stuffed toys. There was no order whatsoever to the mess, yet somehow Drake always seemed to know exactly where the unimportant things were and never the important things.

Like the television remote or a textbook.

The girls, on the other hand, were far superior in the organization of their bedroom – well, not Brielle so much, but the other two girls didn’t allow her to be messy. Zach had tried to clean the boys’ room before, but the room always exploded into mess within the five minutes.

Ah, well.

Zach walked over the pile of clothes blocking the pathway. He avoided a handful of action figures and comic books, nearly slipping on another pile of clothes. He jabbed his toe with a plastic sword. He hissed underneath his breath, hopping a bit as he rubbed it. He sighed.

Occasional sniffles punctuated the silence. The boys stripped out of their suits, changing into comfortable clothes. As he dressed, Zach glanced at the painting that hung above his bed. The brushstrokes had painted a dawning landscape, the sky brilliant with rich colors of red, gold, and purple: the glow of a sunrise. His heart twisted, remembering who wasn’t in his life any more – just like that little girl.

The emotional control he had maintained for so long detonated, the shattered pieces crashing down on him like a tidal wave. Water choked his breath; it threatened to overwhelm him. Blood rushed through his ears, the roar drowning all sound. His hands shook. His eyes burned, watering with emotion.

Zach scrambled to the end table next to his twin bed. Inside the drawer were a few pieces of hard candy, cheap stuff from a dollar store. He quickly unwrapped one and jammed it into his mouth without the others’ notice.

Breaking point.

Zach stood there, his back to Drake and Jacob. He drew in a deep breath, slowly letting it out. He cleared his mind and stared at a toy on the floor, keeping his awareness on the slow rise and fall of his breathing.

The sea of his emotions calmed, the uncontrollable tide ebbing to still waters. His hands were still shaking somewhat, but that would subside soon. Blood sugar issues were the bane of his composure.

Zach looked out the window as he waited for the boys to finish. The night had fallen, the darkness like an indomitable barrier, blocking them from the world. Close by, the other apartment lights were on; silhouettes moved behind curtains.

He pulled their curtains shut.

Zach walked into the living room. Drake and Jacob followed after him. The girls were already there. Jacob went straight to Hikaru, wrapping his arms around her. He rested his cheek against her shoulder, his dry eyes filled with a never ending chasm of sorrow. Drake went to stand next to Brielle and Sevati.

No one wanted to be parted from the other.

“Why don’t we all sit for awhile?” asked Zach in a low whisper. “Before we go to bed.”

Together, they moved as one. Zach sat down in the middle of the couch, with Brielle on his right. Jacob sat down next to Zach on the left, with Hikaru sitting beside him. Finally, Sevati sat down by Brielle, with Drake on the end. There, each snuggled against the other as close as possible, the old couch overflowing its capacity. Jacob and Brielle both pulled their knees to their chests and surrounded their legs with their arms. Sevati pulled her legs underneath herself and leaned against Brielle, with Drake resting against her.

Zach put an arm around Brielle and the other around Jacob. He leaned his head against the back of the couch. No one said a word. Occasionally, the silence was broken by a sniffle. After a few minutes, something soft slipped into Zach’s hand. He clasped tightly onto it, glancing to the side to look at Hikaru.

Tears streamed down her face.

All six friends fell asleep huddled together on the couch that night.

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